My Dahlia

The Bridge To Sunset

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i made a statement. you didn't acknowledge it. you brought up the subject again and i repeated myself. you heard me but didn't deny it. you then tried to turn the tables on me. now i know, i am right. you disappoint me. i wish i could tell you that. but then i remember you don't care. and that is why i hurt.

to remember...

you never asked me how I was. i listened to your whole story with empathy and you never even inquired about me. it makes me wonder if you even care.

just thinking...

Today I was told that because I am me (basically, a strong person who can take a lot of crap) that I would be receiving the brunt of my "friend's" frustration/stress. At first, I thought Wow, NAMELESS, values and trusts me so much that NAMELESS can really loosen up and be real with me. Notice that was my first thought. Then came a simple conversation that went south. NAMELESS stated afterword that I was snapped at with no valid reason, apologized and admitted fault. I am not quite sure that is what I wanted or needed. This whole situation leaves me wondering that if I define a true friend as someone that loves you for your true self then am I the hypocrite? I maintain that a friend is someone with whom you can share your true colors, be all that you are. But the stinging question in my mind... Am I setting myself up as NAMELESS' punching bag? Is there a difference between "letting it all hang out" and snapping at your friend because you know she can handle it?

*Readers~ your commentary is much needed and greatly appreciated!

friends

There are so many types of friends defined by this 7 letter work. Friend can be a term loosely tossed around such as "Yeah, I know him/her, we're friends." Or a friend can be someone who seems almost entwined within your being. I have had a broad spectrum of friends in my quarter or so of a century of life. There were those friends in grade school who I played with daily at recess and felt lost when they were home sick. Then there were the friends with whom I snuck off campus with during 5th period lunch in the terrible days of high school. In college there were the friends with which I racked up more hours with than I did in the library. My point being that at each time in my life I had friends who helped me to define the term, sure there were ups and downs, but each received a piece of my heart while the relationship lasted.

As I grow older my friendships change. There is no recess or lunch hour or dorms that place friends immediately in my vicinity. I have learned to value the friends that make the effort to be in my life. I don't discount how hard it really is. (Or for some so very easy- our friendship is such that months may pass but the love never fades.) But today, I value the friends who are very present in my life. In my mind, I refer to them as "farting friends". This may in fact be a very crass name but symbolizes something very beautiful to me. This is my friend, who is there for the good, the bad, and the ugly but also offers love and support day to day. "Farting Friends" are the first ones you call to celebrate with and laugh with not just as a shoulder to lean on. A "FF" knows you as well, if not better than, you know yourself and surprise surprise- LOVES you anyway! I have a few of these jewels amongst the pearls of my life and for this I am very grateful.

why

I want to post something brilliant, but instead I just feel all mixed up. I would like some answers please. Is that too unrealistic?