It is funny how sometimes I feel that my life parallels that of the clients at work. Only hours ago I was discussing "growing pains" with a teenager at work and now although I have surpassed my teenage years by quite a bit, I feel those growing pains. Life is hard, sometimes we have to learn the lessons over and over again, I counseled the client. We all make mistakes, but have to pick up and learn from them. It is not easy, but it makes us stronger and better. Wow. It's my turn to learn that lesson again. I may have messed up and matters are much more complicated but sometimes in life there are no re-dos. Sometimes in life people don't forgive or allow for mistakes. It's a one time shot. I was convinced that the expression fool me once, shame on you fool me twice shame on me was the route to take. Now I am not so sure. In my anger I hurt someone who, regardless of if they cared about me, I cared about.
I was angry and hurt. Friendship in my book is a two way street. I need you and you need me. I got pushed aside, regardless of the reason. I began to see all the cracks in the side walk, I realized that I lost my value, that I was used, questioned if I was taken advantage of and now I realize my true mistake is that I, not matter what the excuses, didn't push for myself. I didn't say, HEY, what you are doing is effecting me.
I needed you, and I felt like you weren't there. Would things have been different if yelled to get your attention?
