Ready or Not... Here I Come!

My search for the Hodag begins...

There is a hint of excitement muddled with oodles of apprehension in the air.  For Miss Independent this process has been an incredible challenge. I've begun to make the major life decisions to which I previously hinted.   I was offered an amazing career opportunity- the only downfall is that this great job is 3 hours from home.  I have struggled with this decision because I have an wonderful bond with my family that I have only recently truly begun to realize and appreciate.   I can't even put into words where my fears lie but I will admit that I am scared.   Luckily the pieces are beginning to fall together.  I have a place to live and a roommate to socialize with.  The area is beautiful.  I believe that I can live up to the new challenges life has posed.  But most importantly, I am certain that I will be supported by a community of loved ones from home.  How possibly could I fail?

Life happens...

Life happens. Right? Well life happened and I feel like a road map gone bad.  Which direction do I go?  I can summarize my issues in two statements: 1. I lost my job.  A job I loved.  A job I worked more than 4 years to obtain.  A job that I felt lucky to have.  A job that gave me meaning.  2. My lease is ending.  I can move anywhere! The possibilities are only limited to the structure I impose.  At almost any given moment I am focusing on the silver linings... this opens up my life, right?

It's the other moments that make me question myself.  I've filled out lots of job applications, for positions really anywhere in this great cheese state.  As of today, I have scheduled at least 8 interviews.  Each interview has felt successful to some degree. But I am struggling with remaining patient.  I am worried that I will turn down the "right" one for the chance of something "perfect".  How long do I wait? How much of the decision should be chalked up to instinct?  Am I meant to move to some little town up North? Do I give up the structure and schedule I have created here?  With this all said and done I am reminded that all I really need to do is PRAY.


Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ.
Philippians 4:6-7


Dear God,
I pray that I will recognize the job offer that will keep me stable, emotionally and physically, and accept it.  I pray for the patience to wait until that job offer comes along and the wisdom to reject anything that takes me away from You and the positive life I have built.  I pray for the strength to handle the day to day struggles that are challenging me. 

I thank you for parents and siblings who have faith in my abilities.  I thank you for friends that find me inspirational and hold me up when I am weak.  I thank you for the many gifts and talents You have given me.  I thank you for my friendliness, good listening skills, and easy going nature that allow others to feel comfortable with me.  I thank you for challenging me to demonstrate compassion as a profession.

Please help me to feel Your peace during this difficult time.  Open my mind and heart to the possibilities you have laid before me, help me cipher my path.  Please fill me with Your love.  Amen.

It's been a long time...

I could go about giving a million excuses as to where I've been but the truth is: 

life happens.  

That's it. I haven't been extraordinarily busy or doing anything terribly exciting, just living.  Years have passed, that's true.  I have changed, inside and out, but in essence I am still me.  

With that being said, here's an abbreviated list of events from the past few years in no particular or chronological order:

• moved 3 times (remember it has been years since my last post)
• lived a nocturnal life for about 2 years as a 3rd shift worker
• shot a potato gun for the first time- and hit the target!
• received a celebratory 5 years of employment gift from my employer (I chose the Pyrex dish set)
• watched my courageous and inspiring brother heal after numerous life changing accidents
• road-tripped through Canada to Maine 
• reached my highest Words With Friends score- 507
• became a Godmother to a beautiful little girl named Emalee
• played hairdresser and make-up artist "dolling" up my little sis countless times for her many fancy events
• dated a few potential "Prince Charming"s- maybe even in fell in love a little bit and had my heart broken (Don't worry dear readers, this book isn't finished yet... there is still time for a happily ever after.)
• became a Care Coordinator and loved just about every minute of my job
• witnessed my sister blossom in a wonderful mother and I became "Aunty"!
• decided to get healthy;  ate better, worked out more and lost a bit of weight
• sewed a couple quilts
• joined a church and redefined my Faith

LOVE...

... at first sight!

Seriously, until flip-flop season arrives these Keens are my favorite!

tOdAy...

... life is like a big ice cream sundae with a cherry on top!

Shameless promotion...

Check out my etsy stuff...www.angelinekesler.etsy.com

RoadTripping to Seattle

THE BASICS:
Appleton, WI to Seattle, WA approximately 1,941 miles or 28.5 hours with no stops


First if you are interested to accompany me on this adventure you must be available around the date of August 20, 2011.

Also, it would be preferred if you were not prone to road sickness however who am I to judge since I have the occasional bout myself.

Non-negotiable Requirements: ability to legally leave the state of WI/cross state lines, must love chex mix, ability to take a semi-decent picture in a moving car/through a windshield, willingly avoid all chains foods that exist in WI/eat at local establishments

Suggested Qualifications: ability to drive a car or keep full time driver alert, protect tent from potential bear attacks, acceptable music choices, own a GPS device

If interested contact Annie!

*I reserve the right to modify application at anytime.
** As a semi-seasoned road-tripper much of this application was created through experience.

Life is good.

ONE YEAR

... LATER... words that describe who I have been: ashamed green-eyed hurt revenge-filled hopeless lonely introspective scared broken...

I left this blog on a bitter not note too long ago. I was filled with bitterness and knew I had to look within myself to heal. Today I celebrate. I may not know where my journey leads but I do know that I am not standing idle on the road.

If I was honest...

If I was being honest I would scream at you "son of a bitch" or "f***ing bastard". However I don't want to insult your mom. It isn't her fault that you chose to be this person. I am sure she wouldn't take credit for raising you, but who am I to speculate. Love is unconditional, right?

Rather than curse you, perhaps I should thank you. Without your friendship I may never have felt utter disgust, let alone unleashed hatred. Truth be told, I recognize that if you never turned out to be the asshole that you are I may have made excuses on your behalf for a very long time. It would have been a free invitation to walk all over me whenever your heart desired.

What's unfortunate for me, it that I still picture a piece of goodness inside of you. I hope without reason that you will come to your senses. I wait for that small hidden spark to ignite, but you will not give it a chance.

So please, find happiness, I wish that for you, my friend. Yet secretly, if I am honest, I want you to hurt too.

ramblings....

It is funny how sometimes I feel that my life parallels that of the clients at work. Only hours ago I was discussing "growing pains" with a teenager at work and now although I have surpassed my teenage years by quite a bit, I feel those growing pains. Life is hard, sometimes we have to learn the lessons over and over again, I counseled the client. We all make mistakes, but have to pick up and learn from them. It is not easy, but it makes us stronger and better. Wow. It's my turn to learn that lesson again. I may have messed up and matters are much more complicated but sometimes in life there are no re-dos. Sometimes in life people don't forgive or allow for mistakes. It's a one time shot. I was convinced that the expression fool me once, shame on you fool me twice shame on me was the route to take. Now I am not so sure. In my anger I hurt someone who, regardless of if they cared about me, I cared about.

I was angry and hurt. Friendship in my book is a two way street. I need you and you need me. I got pushed aside, regardless of the reason. I began to see all the cracks in the side walk, I realized that I lost my value, that I was used, questioned if I was taken advantage of and now I realize my true mistake is that I, not matter what the excuses, didn't push for myself. I didn't say, HEY, what you are doing is effecting me.

I needed you, and I felt like you weren't there. Would things have been different if yelled to get your attention?

My Dahlia

The Bridge To Sunset

un

i made a statement. you didn't acknowledge it. you brought up the subject again and i repeated myself. you heard me but didn't deny it. you then tried to turn the tables on me. now i know, i am right. you disappoint me. i wish i could tell you that. but then i remember you don't care. and that is why i hurt.

to remember...

you never asked me how I was. i listened to your whole story with empathy and you never even inquired about me. it makes me wonder if you even care.

just thinking...

Today I was told that because I am me (basically, a strong person who can take a lot of crap) that I would be receiving the brunt of my "friend's" frustration/stress. At first, I thought Wow, NAMELESS, values and trusts me so much that NAMELESS can really loosen up and be real with me. Notice that was my first thought. Then came a simple conversation that went south. NAMELESS stated afterword that I was snapped at with no valid reason, apologized and admitted fault. I am not quite sure that is what I wanted or needed. This whole situation leaves me wondering that if I define a true friend as someone that loves you for your true self then am I the hypocrite? I maintain that a friend is someone with whom you can share your true colors, be all that you are. But the stinging question in my mind... Am I setting myself up as NAMELESS' punching bag? Is there a difference between "letting it all hang out" and snapping at your friend because you know she can handle it?

*Readers~ your commentary is much needed and greatly appreciated!

friends

There are so many types of friends defined by this 7 letter work. Friend can be a term loosely tossed around such as "Yeah, I know him/her, we're friends." Or a friend can be someone who seems almost entwined within your being. I have had a broad spectrum of friends in my quarter or so of a century of life. There were those friends in grade school who I played with daily at recess and felt lost when they were home sick. Then there were the friends with whom I snuck off campus with during 5th period lunch in the terrible days of high school. In college there were the friends with which I racked up more hours with than I did in the library. My point being that at each time in my life I had friends who helped me to define the term, sure there were ups and downs, but each received a piece of my heart while the relationship lasted.

As I grow older my friendships change. There is no recess or lunch hour or dorms that place friends immediately in my vicinity. I have learned to value the friends that make the effort to be in my life. I don't discount how hard it really is. (Or for some so very easy- our friendship is such that months may pass but the love never fades.) But today, I value the friends who are very present in my life. In my mind, I refer to them as "farting friends". This may in fact be a very crass name but symbolizes something very beautiful to me. This is my friend, who is there for the good, the bad, and the ugly but also offers love and support day to day. "Farting Friends" are the first ones you call to celebrate with and laugh with not just as a shoulder to lean on. A "FF" knows you as well, if not better than, you know yourself and surprise surprise- LOVES you anyway! I have a few of these jewels amongst the pearls of my life and for this I am very grateful.

why

I want to post something brilliant, but instead I just feel all mixed up. I would like some answers please. Is that too unrealistic?

30 hours in 2 days

Yes, it's true I that was my weekend... I worked 30 hours in just two days. I will openly admit that I am eager for my day off. However I must say, I do still love my job- Incident Reports and all. Here's just a few things that made my weekend worth it... *A client told me that I am "the most enjoyable to be around." *Another client learned a lesson and earned a privilege and told me that she understood if it was too late to receive her reward. She would wait until tomorrow. Only those who work with my kids would really understand that pearl of patience she displayed. And lastly *I do love my co-workers. Even after the long and stressful days I can count on them for a true belly laugh!